http://redeye.chicagotribune.com/red-042309-iowa-or-bust-main,0,1653290.story
State of gay marriage
It’s legal in Iowa, but what does it mean for us?
By Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz
RedEye
April 23 2009
Two years ago, Thom Howe-Duff dropped down on one knee and asked his boyfriend, Chad Gearig, to marry him.
Gearig said "Yes," and soon the Rogers Park couple was planning a wedding in Howe-Duff's native California--only to be derailed by Proposition 8, which declared same-sex marriage illegal in the state.
Then Iowa happened.
"I was stunned," Gearig, 31, said of the Iowa Supreme Court decision earlier this month to legalize same-sex marriage. "We were like, 'Iowa? Really? Before Illinois?' "
Now Howe-Duff, 41, and Gearig plan to drive just over the Illinois border to Davenport, Iowa, to tie the knot. Their marriage rights will disappear the moment they cross back into Illinois, but they're hopeful that won't always be the case.
"We're doing this for ourselves," said Gearig, who shares a home and two dogs with Howe-Duff, his partner of four years. "Illinois isn't far behind, and then we won't have to redo it."
Iowa, which on Monday is scheduled to begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, has brought equal marriage to the Midwest, sowing hope in Chicago's gay community that Illinois could be next.
A gay marriage bill introduced in Illinois this year died in committee, but legislators are considering a civil unions bill that would give same-sex couples the same rights as spouses. Gay rights advocates say they are optimistic the House will approve the bill this session.
"I think Illinois will be one of the next states to have relationship recognition," said Rick Garcia, director of public policy with Equality Illinois, a gay rights lobbying group. Gov. Pat Quinn is "sympathetic to the concept of civil unions," a spokeswoman for the governor said.
David Smith, executive director of the Illinois Family Institute, which opposes gay marriage and civil unions, said he doesn't think the civil unions bill has enough support to pass, and feels the gay marriage momentum has been overstated. Conservative lawmakers in Illinois for several years have introduced bills to amend the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage "or a legal status similar to marriage," but they've died in committee. Illinois statute currently prohibits same-sex marriage.
Waiting for Illinois
For many gay Chicagoans, it's worth waiting for marriage equality to come to Illinois rather than run for the border and get hitched in Iowa. Not only are those marriage rights not valid in Illinois, but, as California showed, the right to gay marriage can be fleeting.
"I think it's crazy," said Chris Anguiano, 23, of Ravenswood. "People get so excited, then all of a sudden it's not legal anymore."
Anguiano, a cashier at the Bachelorette Party Store in Boystown, said he has noticed gays buying bachelorette party items as gag gifts and using them to celebrate Iowa's gay marriage victory at neighborhood bars.
But Chicagoans aren't talking about going to Iowa to get married the way they did about going to California when gay marriage was legal there, said Shelly Rosenbaum, owner of Gaymart in Boystown. The $55 plastic, same-sex wedding cake toppers he sells have not been flying off the shelves.
"Maybe it's more exotic to go to San Francisco than Iowa," said Rosenbaum, 60.
Kentaindra "Nicole" Scarver, 33, moved to Dubuque, Iowa, from Englewood in October for the cheaper rent, and feels that the community has not embraced her family--which consists of her partner, Veronica Spann, 24, their 7-week-old son, Aedaughn, who was conceived through artificial insemination, and Scarver's two teenage children from previous relationships, 16-year-old son Kelly and 14-year-old daughter Briana.
Still, Scarver and Spann were elated when they awoke to a call from a Chicago friend alerting them that they happened to be living in a state that just legalized same-sex marriage. The couple hopes to be first in line to apply for a marriage license in Dubuque on Monday, a day they're awaiting anxiously.
"I feel like they're going to snatch it away," said Scarver, who wants to move her family back to Chicago this fall.
Though the marriage label often stirs up the most controversy, some gay couples believe the legal status conferred by anything less--like civil unions--is separate but equal, and not good enough.
But Keely Newman of Uptown said she doesn't need the word "marriage" to validate her commitment to her partner. All she wants from the state is to be entitled to the same tax breaks and protections as spouses.
As Newman, 38, tries to have a child with her partner through in vitro fertilization, she worries about what she would do if something were to happen to her in childbirth, as her partner can't adopt the baby while it's in utero.
"If you're married, it's automatic," said Newman, who owns Tulip sex toy boutiques.
Howe-Duff and Gearig, who both work as restaurant servers, have practical concerns as well. They had to "jump through hoops," Howe-Duff said, to get Gearig hospital visitation rights when Howe-Duff had surgery to remove a benign tumor last year.
The big day
Meantime, Howe-Duff and Gearig are focused on planning their wedding.
They've set the ceremony time and date: 4 p.m. May 14. They plan to wear jeans, shirts and ties and be accompanied only by Howe-Duff's best man and Gearig's "best girl." The big celebration will be the reception, to be held May 25 at The Glenwood, a bar in Rogers Park, which will double as a charity event to raise money for Equality Illinois.
They've chosen the song to which they plan to dance their first dance--"So Close" by Jon McLaughlin, from the movie "Enchanted." The wedding cake will be chocolate and strawberry cream cheese, surrounded by blue and white cupcakes representing the Tiffany's color scheme.
And, oh yes, the wedding rings.
Howe-Duff had wanted it to be a surprise, but over brunch Monday morning he let slip that he was taking Gearig downtown to get fitted for rings--and they weren't the Tiffany replicas they'd been discussing.
"Did you buy Tiffany rings?" Gearig said, his mouth agape. "How much did you spend?"
"Shut up," Howe-Duff said. "You're going to love them."